So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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