Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
