Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
