yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
only you would photoshop your dick
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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