....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
