Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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