just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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