yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it hurts more in the daytime
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
