I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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