she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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