he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
