Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
