We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
