You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
