Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
