you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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