If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
