After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
