Church boner. Awkwardddd
he fucked my hip out of place.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
