R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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