I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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