we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
