How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
