Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
