ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
