what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
