so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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