You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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