just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
