Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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