you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
