singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
