Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
