You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i love accidental penises.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
