I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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