I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
