If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
