I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
