A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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