I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
