I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
