apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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