I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
