you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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