Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
