I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
