Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
