i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
