is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
