dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Houston, we have a blender
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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